"The Christmas Chronicles: Part Two" is full of CGI elves, and Kurt Russell santa, but not much else
“The Christmas Chronicles: Part Two” Film Review
40/100 “sour”
By Quinn Marcus
You know, in these troubling times, the one thing we needed was something good to watch in quarantine. A nice, cozy family film that doesn’t copy off of far better Christmas classics, and acts like it’s the next big thing for families. Oh wait, we got The Christmas Chronicles: Part Two, the film I’m sure everyone was dying to see. What was this film? Why does it exist? And most importantly, what the heck went wrong? All of these enticing questions will be answered over the course of this review, a review that I almost didn’t do, in fear of trashing a kid’s film. 2020 hasn’t been the best year for kids’ films, we ended 2019 with Greta Gerwig’s Little Women, which was actually pretty great. Then we got stuff like the horrendous Artemis Fowl, the ear-burning Trolls: World Tour, and now this…sigh. Okay, maybe I’m overreacting, maybe there were aspects of this movie that were amazing, like Kurt Russell singing gospel in the middle of an airport…wait what! I gave this movie some credit for being at least entertaining for younger audiences, and the flashy visuals that will excite children but leave superior VFX artists barfing. This review might be a tad shorter than normal because there’s really not too much to talk about, but I’ll do the best I can.
The film kicks off with Christmas’s favorite heroes, Kate, and her brother who’s absent for the whole movie because, well… Anyways, Kate’s upset because her mom has moved on from her husband’s death, and because her mom has settled down with a nice guy named Bob, she decides to run away. Kate finally gets her chance when the main antagonist, Belsnickel, gives Kate’s mom, and Bob some tickets to go scuba-diving. So, as any great mother would do, Kate’s mom leaves Kate and Bob’s son, Jack completely unsupervised. So, Kate hops into a random strangers’ (Belsnickels) golf cart, and Jack goes as well so the plot can happen. Belsnickel tosses them into a magical portal which takes them to the north pole, they practically freeze to death, but conveniently, Santa just so happens to be around the corner to save the day.
Okay, firstly I want to discuss the villain, Belsnickel. What was his motivation for doing some bad stuff? He was turned into the most disgusting creature ever, a human…wait what! He was turned into a human because he was being a naughty elf, and that’s breaking the elvish code or whatever. So, to get his revenge, he decides to completely destroy Christmas because he’s mad, very mad. So to hatch his scheme, he gives Santa’s elves some blue cocaine shot out from some canons, and while the elves go insane, Belsnickel steals the Christmas star which shuts down all of Santa’s village. However, Santa almost stops him with some generic dialogue about the magic of Christmas, and by using the force, both of them break the Christmas star. WHAT IS HAPPENING?! So, that’s our villain, what a great character am I right?
Let’s move on to a couple of other new characters. Mrs. Claus, portrayed by Goldie Hawn, who reads a bedtime story, heals a reindeer, and that’s about all she does. Then there’s Jack, good old Jack, played by Jahzir Bruno. The kid actors in this movie made me cringe. I mean Darby Camp, playing Kate, was okay in the first, but due to one of the most annoying scripts ever in this wonderful sequel, her performance didn’t fully work. There’s a scene in this movie where they completely copy the airport scene from Home Alone, but to differ from the classic film, they throw in Kurt Russel dancing to, and singing gospel in one of the most chaotic dance sequences ever made. Trust me, it might have been even worse than High School Musical’s dance scenes, and that’s a pretty low bar to hit. 2018’s The Christmas Chronicles worked because it felt like a grounded Christmas movie, it had a plot, and they stuck to it. The Christmas Chronicles: Part Two had so many pointless subplots, it was painful.
Alright, before I anger the remaining few fans of this duo of films, let’s talk about the positives. The film has imaginative aspects to it. Behind all of the simple, plain dialogue, there was some creative potential in there. I spotted hints of cool moments, but as a package, it was a complete mess. Kurt Russell is a solid Santa Claus, he seemed like the only performer in the film that cared a little. He was the best part of the movie, easily. If Netflix decides to cash in for a third movie, they better give me more reasons to watch it besides a gospel singing St. Nick. When I watch a kid’s film, one of the most important things I look for is the reaction on my sibling’s face. In this case, my youngest brother, West watched with me, and he was pretty bored. Even he could see past this illusion of color and coked-up elves. I watched like a hawk for positives about this movie, and that on its own makes The Christmas Chronicles: Part Two a near-failure.
The final verdict is: Despite a committed Kurt Russell, and some creative ideas, The Christmas Chronicles: Part Two can’t conjure up enough magic to justify its own existence…$KIP IT!